25 Comments
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Ed Pollard's avatar

Beautiful! Love your writing, thank you for this one. The photo of age evident in the hands holding the mask, perfect. Glad I found you testing out substack.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Ed. Grateful for your comment and for your presence here.

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Peter Anthony's avatar

Thank you for this powerful and personal reflection. My own mother died three years ago, and while our circumstances differ, I recognise the way memory, objects, and place continue to carry meaning. The image of the life mask, capturing a moment of youthful possibility, stayed with me. Thank you again for sharing this.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Peter. Memory, objects and place are foundational pillars for me. I'm glad we have found each other. We Anthonys have to stick together.

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Katherine's avatar

What a gorgeous, loving essay. I like this term: “mourning in advance.” I've also heard of it as rehearsal grieving.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Rehearsal grieving is more elegant. I may adopt that. Thanks, Katherine.

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Alan Stamm's avatar

How proud of you the third Edward Mason surely was, and would be now as you begin the . . . ahem . . . journey of learning to say goodbye to saying goodbye.

The matching pair of closed-eyes smiles across decades are quite a vivid reminder that those who embraced and uplifted us continue to do so.

Thanks for sharing these poignant and relatable reflections, Ted.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Alan! I'm always glad when something I write touches you.

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Sally Wiggin's avatar

Love these stories and photos ! Seems so long ago!!!but I treasure my friendship with them and you

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Sally — I treasure it too, and I'm grateful for the relationship you had with my parents.

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Larry Kellogg's avatar

Much appreciated. Both of my folks are also gone.

I have a papier-mâché mask of myself.

Maybe I should hang it up.

Thanks again.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you for this. Definitely hang it up.

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MR ROBERT THOMPSON's avatar

After all was settled around me, I finally settled in to read your latest Mr.A. Thoughts of the place that death has had in my life percolated as your words penetrated. I once had a wonderful chat with Elisabeth Kubler Ross who opened my eyes to the mystery&wonder of life's final chapter. Likewise, I've gained understanding in my own grief journeys from Francis Weller among other authors. When the time is right, saying goodbye to 'goodbye' is a great concept worthy of repeating. I don't think we stop grieving until we ourselves are grieved.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Insightful stuff here. Thank you.

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MR ROBERT THOMPSON's avatar

If you haven’t read it, The Wild Edge of Sorrow (F. Weller) was so good I bought a copy for each of my sons.

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Jean Hay's avatar

This is really lovely. The face of the mask looks so young, almost a child, especially in the wizened, aged hands. You write beautifully and sincerely. Thank you for sharing this.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you for reaching out! I’m glad it meant something to you.

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Janet fortney's avatar

Very moving.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Janet. I hope I see you soon. And thanks for being such a good friend to my parents.

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Samantha Pelch's avatar

Beautifully written, as usual (I'd expect no less!) I am currently dealing with a parent with dementia, her body lives but the essence of what made that body "Mom" is long gone. While I was never close to my mother, I mourn...not the loss of what she was but the knowledge that what I so desperately wanted my entire life will NEVER be realized. You ALWAYS make me think Ted, and I love that about you!

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Sam! Thank you. I always love hearing from you. I'd love to get lunch sometime and talk more about your mom and your experiences. Stay well.

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Paul Lukas's avatar

Beautiful and powerful, Ted. As I think you know, I too was born to older-then-usual parents (one of the many things we have in common), so a lot of this was familiar to me. And the struggle to balance looking back with looking ahead is something I often wrestle with as well.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

Thank you, Paul. Another object-based musing! Always appreciate when you read my stuff.

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Elaine DiMasi's avatar

I loved reading this. What you feel as a "gaze," through an imprint of closed eyes, is a benediction.

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Ted Anthony's avatar

I love that observation. And I'm glad you're on Substack now,

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